Gr8ful4: Mediocrity, Fear, and Why I’m Giving Up Sugar

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art, creativity, gratitude, health, life

In the last month or so, I have found myself in some difficult situations that involve various levels of mediocrity. Let me explain, I have many creative friends, with great ideas. They write books, make movies, and organize events. God bless them,  for the hard work they put in, but unfortunately, in their latest go round, the results were mediocre at best. I find this incredibly frustrating, because I am guilty of doing the same thing. For me, I know my most mediocre work is the result of two things: fear and laziness.

Yup, awhile back I wrote a post on the topics of “procrastination” and “doubt” and how one feeds the other. Now it’s clear to me that we’re bumping it up a notch. The fear of: you name it — not being good enough, perfect enough, clever enough, or of not being special — will always exist, it comes with the job. These fears are hard to face, and it is so much easier to simply put your head in the sand, and opt for a nice slice of denial. And denial leads to laziness. “Oh, it’s good enough, I’ll make a few tweaks, and really it will be just fine.” Um. No. Sorry it won’t. “No, really, it’s a little rough around the edges, but no one will notice.” Ah, yeah, we do notice, and it’s still not good. It still needs more work.

Yes, no one wants to hear that last statement: It needs more work. No one wants to receive a rejection letter from an agent, no one wants to see zero sales for their self-published book, no one wants to see people walk out of their movie. But I’ve been seeing a lot of it lately and I felt I had to say something.

This was re-iterated for me at the Spellbinders Writers Conference, Jeff Kleinman, of Folio Literary Management said that 90% of the query letters he receives are from writers who pitch their books too early. And if you polled an number of literary agents you would get the same response. You may be tired of hearing this statistic, but it’s still the norm.

And for writers, I can’t blame them, I’ve done it myself. You think you really did it this time, it’s your best work, it’s taken you hours of and hours of writing, revising, re-thinking. But it’s still not good enough. It still doesn’t measure up and deep down you know that. You know it’s not ready, but you go ahead anyway. You want recognition for all of that hard work, I mean that’s why we write or create art in the first place, so we can be read and seen by an audience who appreciates us. But don’t burden your audience with something that isn’t ready. And I’m one of the laziest people I know, I’m also an attention whore (if I weren’t I wouldn’t have created this blog) and I want the world to love my work, but I know I need to earn that love and respect by owning the hard work that goes into making it the best, owning the hard work it takes to keep improving my skill set.

I know, I can hear you already, but don’t get angry with me, simply because I’m telling you the truth. If you are a writer, it’s because you love good writing, and you know good writing when you read it. When you read your current WIP is it as good as one of your favorite books? Is it as good as maybe the first book that your favorite author wrote?

This site is called “Social Alchemy” for a reason, I pose these questions to you, as I posed them to myself first. If I’m going to make my world a better place, through how I interact with you, through my writing, through my coaching other writers, if I want the world to be filled with less mediocrity, then I have to raise the standards for myself. I can’t ask any of you to try to change, unless I’m willing to do it myself first.

That’s why I am grateful for the opportunity to make big changes in my own life. I am a true believer that once you come to a new inner realization, you must also make an outer manifestation of this change. A few months ago most of us witness the Olympic Games, and were thrilled and awed by the discipline, dedication, and commitment made by those athletes. There was a commercial that ran during the broadcast, outlining some of the sacrifices many athletes made on the road to the Olympics. One line struck me very deeply: “I have not ordered dessert in two years.”

how on earth will giving up sugar make me a better writer? I don’t know… yet

And wouldn’t you know it, I found myself in the grocery store looking at a display of books and I saw, “Primal Blueprint” by Mark Sisson who blogs at marksdailyapple.com The gist of his message is that cavemen did not eat grains, especially processed grains and sugar. And during the last several months I’ve been coming across this message in various forms. Having dear friends with severe gluten allergies, other friends tackling Type 2 Diabetes. I am about 30 pounds overweight and I know its the carbs and the sweets that have been my downfall.

So, as of today, I am giving up both. Is this going to make me a better writer? I have no clue, although much of the literature suggests giving up processed foods will help with brain function. But it is a sacrifice that I am willing to make in an effort to improve my health, my work and my life. I’ve gone off sugar before and know it’s beneficial, but I always caved into my cravings. This program promises that by eating high quality fats (butter, coconut milk, olives, olive oil) that the cravings will diminish.

I could certainly go for some of this

But honestly, this is my testament to not accepting mediocre food into my body, and not producing mediocre art. Will I succeed? Will I fail? Who knows. But I know I need to start, to make a big change. I’m not expecting any of you to go along with me. I’m just hoping that maybe I might nudge you in the right direction. To move past denial, to kick laziness to the curb and to do your best work. Stay tuned. I won’t be giving you boring statistics on starting weight, measurements, and all of that. But I ask you to come back and see if the writing gets any better.

And I do want to hear from all of you, any one else looking down the barrel of Big Change? Anyone else wanting to break out of their normal pattern of eating, thinking, working? Please feel free to be part of the conversation, and as always, thank you ever so much for stopping by.

The Care Giving Saga Continues — With our Furry Familiars

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caregiving, cats, dogs, life, Love, mom, trust

Forgive me dear readers for being a most ungracious blogger, I’ve been long over due for a post, but we’ve had a lot on our hands. I’m sure some of you are aware of the situation with my mother, she suffers from Parkinsons and we moved her to a residential care home earlier this year. We had a lovely day at the Polo field on Easter Sunday.

Mom, enjoying popcorn and the polo match

Mom enjoyed watching the match and at halftime, The Easter Bunny fell out of the sky — he was part of a team of skydivers brought in to share the fun.

The Easter Bunny made a dramatic entrance

But wouldn’t you know it, once I thought my care giving days were over, both of our senior cats ended up with health care issues at the same time. Hyena, our loud-mouthed tortie-mix, who had been making the worst cater-walling wails, ended up in the hospital with a kidney infection. I don’t even want to talk about how much that cost, as Hyena was the cat that just decided to come and live at my husband’s house (before we were married) and he wasn’t so thrilled at the idea of spending so much money and the cat that “just showed up.”

Hyena, being quiet for a change

The treatment was a success and Hyena is back to her old ways, of sitting on the newspaper when I’m trying to read it and yelling at me to give her more food.

Now, however, Velveteen, my editorial assistant, who usually sits on my desk and insists that I pet her when I am trying to write, is in bad shape. She showed up one morning, listless and unfocused. She’d been fine earlier in the day. The vet thinks that maybe she had a bad fall.

Velveteen's makeshift hospital bed

We’ve been nursing her on top of the stove – yes, very bizarre, but it is the one place where she is safe from the dog, Kona. Kona loves the cats, but loves them too much and is always trying to herd them. And the kitchen counters are high enough that Kona can’t get to the cats. Its’ a good thing I don’t have to cook three meals a day anymore, or we’d be in a jam.

We take such delight in our furry friends, and it is so painful when they are out of sorts, especially when you are faced with the dilemma of the cost of their care. But in the end, you do the best you can because of what they give you: unconditional love. And fur-balls. And poop to pick up.

Kona, being a good sport while the kitties are healing

But I digress. As for the house being turned into an animal hospital (last year it was Kona’s turn when she had to have knee surgery) truth be told, if I didn’t have these familiars to talk to and care for, I’d be feeling incredibly guilty for having parked my mother in a care home. She’s been going through a bad patch, and can you blame her? She’s living in a memory care facility, so her housemates are cranky old ladies like herself, most are suffering from Dementia and Alzheimer’s. Mom’s Parkinson’s symptoms are robbing her of physical functions, and most days, mentally she is still pretty sharp. But it’s hard to make new friends when they don’t even know who they are, let alone having enough brain function to remember you too.

And the beat goes on. I apologize for not posting more frequently, because along with the care giving, I’m making steady progress on my novel, and on my “Astrology for Writers” series, so watch this space for more installments. I love hearing from all of you, so where do you land on the care giving spectrum? Human or animal, it doesn’t matter. Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to catching up with you soon.

Are You Ready to Put Everything You Own into 2 Boxes and 3 Grocery Bags?

Tags

caregiving, death, life, Love

That my friends, is the question of the day. This morning I helped my mother pack all of the clothes, books, and trinkets that she will be allowed to take with her when we move her to the care home tomorrow. Six pairs of pants, seven shirts, three night shirts, five pairs of socks, two hats, and three pairs of shoes.

Luckily, the care home has this genius thing they have a “memory” box set into the wall just outside the door to mom’s room. In there we can place photographs, and little mementos from her life. The box measures about two and half feet by one and half, with three shelves. Imagine a well-lit medicine cabinet with a glass door. Look around the room you are sitting in, look around your desk, look around your life. Could you fit all the things that are precious to you in a medicine cabinet?

I know that I can’t.

I was putting the books my mother chose to take with her, there are several books of poetry and about ten books that she used when she was a working filed botanist, mostly scientific books with lists of plant names, that she can barely even read any more. As I was packing them, I wondered, if the roles were reversed, which of the five book cases worth of books could I possibly boil down to one box? It makes me so sad to think about it.

No one wants to go to a care home, I have to give my mother a ton of credit for taking it as well as she has. A few days ago we went through the books and her jewelry. We chose her “moving” outfit and packed the shoes. We signed all the paperwork and as much as she was a trooper, I knew the other shoe would drop.

It did. The shoe dropped on New Year’s Eve. Per her request, my husband cooked a whole chicken on the grill, and I did wild rice and sautéed mushrooms. As we waited for my husband to carve the chicken, my mom looked at me and said. “I don’t want to go.”

Then she said, “I know I have to, but I don’t want to leave this place.” What could I say? Nothing. All of the arguments have been made, all the checks have been signed. There was nothing to do but hold her hand as we waited for my husband to join us at the table.

This morning we did some more packing, as tomorrow is the big day. There was one last piece of paper that I saved for this morning; it is the POLST or Physicians Order for Life-Sustaining Treatment. This is the one document you have to have, that if the ambulance is called, they have to obey what is on the paper. My mother agreed that if her heart fails, she does not want to be resuscitated. That she only wants limited interventions for pain and she does not want to be fed by a tube or to be intubated.

Are you ready to make those choices?

My mother is dying. As all of us are dying. It’s just that those of us who are younger think we have years and years to put off these decisions.

That brings me to goal setting. I just read Kristen Lamb’s wonderful post on setting goals. She has been a wonderful mentor during the We Are Not Alone class that I took from her last year. She is the fuel behind this post. I didn’t FEEL like writing about any of this, but I got off my butt and did it. As I read her post she said that baby steps are fine, and in most cases I agree. But the truth is, once my mother moves tomorrow, I will have my freedom back. I am lucky enough that she has been my full time job for the last year. Once she moves, I will be a full-time writer. My husband has graciously agreed to allow me to work full time at my writing, and I am truly blessed.

So here’s the thing. My old life will be over. The life filled with pushing wheelchairs, cleaning up dirty Depends, and cooking three meals a day. It would be so easy to just celebrate and be a lazy bum (okay, I’ve booked myself a day at the spa for Wednesday) But having helped my mother go through all of her possessions and asking all these tough questions about death and dying, I am being given a new life and I refuse to fritter it away.

So, I’m making big goals. I’m going to work out with my trainer two days a week and I’m going to work up to an hour of cardio three times a week. I will revise of “Deadly Hula Hands,” and plan on cranking out 8,000 words a day. Yes, you heard me, 8,000 new words every day. Once the new draft is complete, I’ll spend my time honing, shaping, and re-writing it until it sings. I’ll meet my writers group every two weeks, with new material at each meeting, and I will post material in this blog three times a week. And to top it off, I will be attending at least two big writers conferences this year, Thriller Fest in New York in July, and Bouchercon in September.

Now, with all that said, I’m expecting all of you to check in, and help me stay honest. You are a wonderful, wonderful audience, and I look forward to a New Year, that’s filled with life and love, with a hint of Death’s kiss that makes each waking moment richer and fuller.  You guys are the best!