How To: Throw Your Wake BEFORE You Die

Tags

caregiving, death with dignity, mom, Wake

Hello friends, first off many apologies for being in hibernation for so long. After our last episode, you know mom’s health took a turn. But after much rest and the wonderful care she is receiving at her care home, she is on the mend. On New Year’s day, she announced that she wanted to have her wake before she dies. So I asked, what does that mean? She said, “I want to invite everyone we know to your house, and show them a good time. There should be good food, and good cheer.

Who could argue with her? We put our heads together and came up with a theme. Mom is a botanist so we decided to call it a Flower Power Party. We went through the mailing list, sent out the invitations and got the party started.

We rented a tent for the backyard, filled the house full of flowers and it wouldn’t be a party without music. The group Puamana, three beautiful women, lead by my friend and neighbor, Mihana Souza, serenaded mom with her favorite old time Hawaiian songs. We had Non deMello of Agnes Portuguese Bake Shop cater the event, and the food was fabulous. We couldn’t have asked for better weather.  Here is a collection of photos from the party.

Flowers in the livingroom…

I went through our old family photos and made a wall display. The oldest photo of mom was taken back in 1939, when she was a teenager.

the photos are mounted in album sheets, so they can all go into an album after the party is over.

yes, new patio furniture that MATCHES the house. My Martha Stewart Moment.

Our dog, Kona, waits at the front door, she knows the guests are about to arrive.

And they did, the guests arrived, everyone was so thrilled to see mom, and she was so happy to see them. There were friends from her work life, from when she first moved to Hawaii. We even had a couple friends who had just flown in for other reasons, but were so happy they could make it to mom’s party.

and mom got what she wanted, a house full of friends enjoying each others company.

Gr8ful4: Mom is home and on the mend

Tags

art, buddhism, healing, mom

congestive heart failure… not much fun

First off, a shout out to all my peeps for your kind words, thoughts and prayers for my mom and me. She is out of the hospital and on the mend. But she is still very weak. I’ve made the calls, so now is the time for friends and family on the mainland to travel here to visit with her.

Her hospital stay went well, she had a very sweet room mate, an older Japanese lady. When her curtain was pulled back, and I happened to look in, she always waved at me. I found out her name was Margaret. She seemed to be doing alright. But when I went to visit my mother on Thursday, I found out that Margaret had died early that morning. When I got there, at noon, Margaret’s body was still in her bed and her family was gathered around. There was a Buddhist priest conducting a ceremony for her.

I sat next to my mom and held her hand, we listened to the ceremony from our side of the curtain. It was very moving, the priest talked about how the Buddhists believe that Margaret’s soul was still in the room, that the family members should feel comfortable speaking in front of her. That she was on her way to a happier place. He chanted words in Japanese and struck a bell several times. It was very moving, and very peaceful.

Of course the nurses were worried, one of them came in and asked, “are you guys okay with all of this going on?” And we were fine. In fact at one point both of my parents had studied Buddhism for a time, so it was very appropriate. My mother and I were lucky enough to have been together with my father when he died, so she has a very realistic sense of what is going on. She’s told me that she isn’t ready to “go just yet.”  So, we will do all we can to make her happy and comfortable as possible.

That’s about all from here. I’m hoping to be back on track with Writing Matters soon. I will keep you posted on mom’s recovery. And again, it has been so heartwarming to hear from all of you. You guys are the best!

 

 

The Care Giving Saga Continues — With our Furry Familiars

Tags

caregiving, cats, dogs, life, Love, mom, trust

Forgive me dear readers for being a most ungracious blogger, I’ve been long over due for a post, but we’ve had a lot on our hands. I’m sure some of you are aware of the situation with my mother, she suffers from Parkinsons and we moved her to a residential care home earlier this year. We had a lovely day at the Polo field on Easter Sunday.

Mom, enjoying popcorn and the polo match

Mom enjoyed watching the match and at halftime, The Easter Bunny fell out of the sky — he was part of a team of skydivers brought in to share the fun.

The Easter Bunny made a dramatic entrance

But wouldn’t you know it, once I thought my care giving days were over, both of our senior cats ended up with health care issues at the same time. Hyena, our loud-mouthed tortie-mix, who had been making the worst cater-walling wails, ended up in the hospital with a kidney infection. I don’t even want to talk about how much that cost, as Hyena was the cat that just decided to come and live at my husband’s house (before we were married) and he wasn’t so thrilled at the idea of spending so much money and the cat that “just showed up.”

Hyena, being quiet for a change

The treatment was a success and Hyena is back to her old ways, of sitting on the newspaper when I’m trying to read it and yelling at me to give her more food.

Now, however, Velveteen, my editorial assistant, who usually sits on my desk and insists that I pet her when I am trying to write, is in bad shape. She showed up one morning, listless and unfocused. She’d been fine earlier in the day. The vet thinks that maybe she had a bad fall.

Velveteen's makeshift hospital bed

We’ve been nursing her on top of the stove – yes, very bizarre, but it is the one place where she is safe from the dog, Kona. Kona loves the cats, but loves them too much and is always trying to herd them. And the kitchen counters are high enough that Kona can’t get to the cats. Its’ a good thing I don’t have to cook three meals a day anymore, or we’d be in a jam.

We take such delight in our furry friends, and it is so painful when they are out of sorts, especially when you are faced with the dilemma of the cost of their care. But in the end, you do the best you can because of what they give you: unconditional love. And fur-balls. And poop to pick up.

Kona, being a good sport while the kitties are healing

But I digress. As for the house being turned into an animal hospital (last year it was Kona’s turn when she had to have knee surgery) truth be told, if I didn’t have these familiars to talk to and care for, I’d be feeling incredibly guilty for having parked my mother in a care home. She’s been going through a bad patch, and can you blame her? She’s living in a memory care facility, so her housemates are cranky old ladies like herself, most are suffering from Dementia and Alzheimer’s. Mom’s Parkinson’s symptoms are robbing her of physical functions, and most days, mentally she is still pretty sharp. But it’s hard to make new friends when they don’t even know who they are, let alone having enough brain function to remember you too.

And the beat goes on. I apologize for not posting more frequently, because along with the care giving, I’m making steady progress on my novel, and on my “Astrology for Writers” series, so watch this space for more installments. I love hearing from all of you, so where do you land on the care giving spectrum? Human or animal, it doesn’t matter. Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to catching up with you soon.