How To: Throw Your Wake BEFORE You Die

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caregiving, death with dignity, mom, Wake

Hello friends, first off many apologies for being in hibernation for so long. After our last episode, you know mom’s health took a turn. But after much rest and the wonderful care she is receiving at her care home, she is on the mend. On New Year’s day, she announced that she wanted to have her wake before she dies. So I asked, what does that mean? She said, “I want to invite everyone we know to your house, and show them a good time. There should be good food, and good cheer.

Who could argue with her? We put our heads together and came up with a theme. Mom is a botanist so we decided to call it a Flower Power Party. We went through the mailing list, sent out the invitations and got the party started.

We rented a tent for the backyard, filled the house full of flowers and it wouldn’t be a party without music. The group Puamana, three beautiful women, lead by my friend and neighbor, Mihana Souza, serenaded mom with her favorite old time Hawaiian songs. We had Non deMello of Agnes Portuguese Bake Shop cater the event, and the food was fabulous. We couldn’t have asked for better weather.  Here is a collection of photos from the party.

Flowers in the livingroom…

I went through our old family photos and made a wall display. The oldest photo of mom was taken back in 1939, when she was a teenager.

the photos are mounted in album sheets, so they can all go into an album after the party is over.

yes, new patio furniture that MATCHES the house. My Martha Stewart Moment.

Our dog, Kona, waits at the front door, she knows the guests are about to arrive.

And they did, the guests arrived, everyone was so thrilled to see mom, and she was so happy to see them. There were friends from her work life, from when she first moved to Hawaii. We even had a couple friends who had just flown in for other reasons, but were so happy they could make it to mom’s party.

and mom got what she wanted, a house full of friends enjoying each others company.

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Gr8ful4: Thoughtful Nurses

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caregiving, congestive heart failure, hospital, Love, mother, nurses, parkinsons disease

Hi everyone, this is one of those posts that I was not looking forward to writing, but felt it is the right thing to do. My mother went into the hospital this weekend. I have written about our adventures in aging and Parkinsons Disease, and now we have taken that next step on the adventure. Two weeks ago she had the flu, and was recovering well, but the flu turned into pneumonia, which turned into congestive heart failure.

She is also going through that interesting phase that goes by many names: “sundowning” “hospital psychosis”, “twilighting.” Not very accurate attempts to discribe the confusion and disorientation that comes at this stage. My psychic friends all describe it as preparation for being born into the next world. She is singing songs to herself, she is describing parties that she is going to at night, and telling me about all the people she is meeting. When I walked into her room yesterday, she said, “well you know this is a field hospital, and they have us all in these cars, and they hook the cars up and drive us around.”

It would be very easy to freak out at this phenomenon, but I saw it with my father, and I know it is part of the process. When I’m with her and she does recognize me, we can still carry on a fairly cogent conversation. I ask how she’s feeling, if she is in any pain, and she can answer. And she bless her, she still has her wonderful sense of humor. When Conrad, one of her nurses came into give her her medication, I asked her if he how she liked having him. She said “oh yes, the best part is when he walks away and I can see his backside.”

It has been a long time since I have had to deal with hospitals, and all that goes on there. I am impressed with this one, Kuakini. The nurses seem to walk the tightrope of focused efficiency, and concern for the patient’s well being. One nurse impressed me, he is in charge of IV’s. That is all he does, he has been trained to know all the various types of IV’s that can be used these days. He came to mom’s room, was very polite, and incredibly gentle with her.  He changed her IV, and he used a sharpie to write the date, and after that he wrote a set of symbols I didn’t recognize. I asked him what it was and he said, “it is the Japanese symbol for Good Luck.” That is the sort of thing that makes this stuff tolerable.

And don’t you like her bling?

As things go, the doctor seems to think that she is still well enough to return to the residential care home in a few days. As to the next phase of the adventure, things have taken a turn and we’ll have to see what is around the next corner. I will do my best to keep up with my regular schedule. But don’t be surprised if I miss a day or two. I find it difficult to concentrate on much else.

Thank you all for stopping by, and for joining me on this adventure.

The Care Giving Saga Continues — With our Furry Familiars

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caregiving, cats, dogs, life, Love, mom, trust

Forgive me dear readers for being a most ungracious blogger, I’ve been long over due for a post, but we’ve had a lot on our hands. I’m sure some of you are aware of the situation with my mother, she suffers from Parkinsons and we moved her to a residential care home earlier this year. We had a lovely day at the Polo field on Easter Sunday.

Mom, enjoying popcorn and the polo match

Mom enjoyed watching the match and at halftime, The Easter Bunny fell out of the sky — he was part of a team of skydivers brought in to share the fun.

The Easter Bunny made a dramatic entrance

But wouldn’t you know it, once I thought my care giving days were over, both of our senior cats ended up with health care issues at the same time. Hyena, our loud-mouthed tortie-mix, who had been making the worst cater-walling wails, ended up in the hospital with a kidney infection. I don’t even want to talk about how much that cost, as Hyena was the cat that just decided to come and live at my husband’s house (before we were married) and he wasn’t so thrilled at the idea of spending so much money and the cat that “just showed up.”

Hyena, being quiet for a change

The treatment was a success and Hyena is back to her old ways, of sitting on the newspaper when I’m trying to read it and yelling at me to give her more food.

Now, however, Velveteen, my editorial assistant, who usually sits on my desk and insists that I pet her when I am trying to write, is in bad shape. She showed up one morning, listless and unfocused. She’d been fine earlier in the day. The vet thinks that maybe she had a bad fall.

Velveteen's makeshift hospital bed

We’ve been nursing her on top of the stove – yes, very bizarre, but it is the one place where she is safe from the dog, Kona. Kona loves the cats, but loves them too much and is always trying to herd them. And the kitchen counters are high enough that Kona can’t get to the cats. Its’ a good thing I don’t have to cook three meals a day anymore, or we’d be in a jam.

We take such delight in our furry friends, and it is so painful when they are out of sorts, especially when you are faced with the dilemma of the cost of their care. But in the end, you do the best you can because of what they give you: unconditional love. And fur-balls. And poop to pick up.

Kona, being a good sport while the kitties are healing

But I digress. As for the house being turned into an animal hospital (last year it was Kona’s turn when she had to have knee surgery) truth be told, if I didn’t have these familiars to talk to and care for, I’d be feeling incredibly guilty for having parked my mother in a care home. She’s been going through a bad patch, and can you blame her? She’s living in a memory care facility, so her housemates are cranky old ladies like herself, most are suffering from Dementia and Alzheimer’s. Mom’s Parkinson’s symptoms are robbing her of physical functions, and most days, mentally she is still pretty sharp. But it’s hard to make new friends when they don’t even know who they are, let alone having enough brain function to remember you too.

And the beat goes on. I apologize for not posting more frequently, because along with the care giving, I’m making steady progress on my novel, and on my “Astrology for Writers” series, so watch this space for more installments. I love hearing from all of you, so where do you land on the care giving spectrum? Human or animal, it doesn’t matter. Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to catching up with you soon.