• About

Rachel Funk Heller

~ Social Alchemy: There's Magic in here….

Rachel Funk Heller

Tag Archives: dying

Why We Need to Talk about Death and Dying

11 Friday Nov 2011

Posted by Rachel Funk Heller in Transcendantly yours

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

death, dying, Love

a rose is a rose, is a rose

Cheerful topic, Yes? No? Halloween is really over. Some of you might have heard but I had some sudden news; that while I was in Houston, basking in the glow of Story Masters and the font of all knowledge, back in San Diego my dear half-sister Patty, died. She had been dealing with cancer for over eight years. I got word from my other sister, Betty who told me that when Patty found out that both Chemo and Radiation were no longer working, that the cancer had metastasized to too many places in her body, she decided to stop taking any medication. She got together with her children, put all of her financial affairs in order, contacted Hospice and let nature take its course. What a truly brave woman.

We need to talk about death and dying because as a culture and a country we waste so much money and effort in the Cult of Denying Death. I’m sure somewhere in hospital beds across the country, there are older Americans whose bodies are being kept alive by machines, at the insistence of children, wracked with guilt, who want the doctors to do everything they can to keep grandma or grandpa alive. It saddens me because that doesn’t have to happen. There are so many tools available for us so we won’t have to be a burden to our loved ones. Do you have a will? If not, write one. Do you have an Advanced Health Care Directive, also known as a Living Will? That is the legal document that tells your doctor, your family, how you want to spend your last days. You can ask that the doctors do every heroic measure you can think of to keep you going. Or, you can say “no thanks” and be brave live my sister and trust that nature’s course is the right one. Look into Hospice care; find out what your options are.

I’m taking the time to write about this because I’ve seen death done, how I consider the correct way: where you decide ahead of time how you want it handled. And I’ve seen it bungled, where grief-stricken, shocked family members find themselves having to make decisions that no one should have to make. Trust me, you don’t want to inflict this kind of pain and heartache on the ones you love.

It is the season for it, with autumn and shorter days, as we prepare for winter, it is a time when many people chose to let go. My father died on November 10, 2002. Now might not seem like it, but why not use it as an opportunity to to talk about dying. Today is Veteran’s Day, when we remember veterans who gave their lives willingly for us, why not ask the question: how do you want to die? When the time comes, I want to die sitting on a bench looking at a garden. I realize it doesn’t have to be my own garden, but any garden. Any place where green things grow and thrive, where they are well taken care of.

Turn to the one you love and tell them that you are going to be there for them, to change their diaper and spoon feed them if you have to. That you are in this relationship for the truly long haul. It might make you feel weepy, but really, isn’t that what love is all about? That you are willing to do whatever it takes to make your loved one’s death as smooth, easy, gentle and loving as best you can? And be brave enough to ask them to do the same for you. If you can do that, then your relationship will grow richer, and be fuller.

I was honored enough to be at my father’s bedside when he took his last breath. I had my hand on his chest and felt his last heartbeat. It was, and still remains one of the most treasured moments of my life on this planet. It was transcendent of any other experience I have ever had. I treasure my father for the life he gave me and for the blessings of a most gentle, peaceful death. That’s what I want for my end.

Yes, it sucks to think of death, it’s sad, it often feels like such a waste. But we owe it to ourselves and the ones we love to be honest about this most natural of acts. After my father died, a close family friend said I ought to write “Death and Dying for Dummies” as there is no handbook for this sort of thing. My advice is that we spend so much time figuring out how to live life to the fullest, we ought to give our death a little bit of attention, and in doing so, life becomes so much sweeter.

Thank you all for dropping by and indulging me. What do you worry about the most when you think of your last days? I’d like to hear from you, as the more we feel comfortable talking about, I do believe we will be better off as a community.

The New Social Alchemy

Social Alchemy: is my version of the digital salon. Where interesting ideas are bandied about, where opinions are appreciated. Where all that makes life interesting: art, creativity, writing, love, and compassion are explored in many facets. And it's also a place to come and relax. When you want to turn off the digital noise, kick back, relax, and just be yourself. Thank you so much for visiting.

Topics I Love

  • astrology for writers (2)
  • Goofball Nonsense (7)
  • Grattitude (8)
  • Hawaii (3)
  • Inspiration (37)
  • Transcendantly yours (10)
  • WANA Love (5)
  • Writing (16)
  • Writing Tips (14)

Archives

  • March 2013 (2)
  • October 2012 (5)
  • September 2012 (10)
  • August 2012 (10)
  • June 2012 (1)
  • May 2012 (3)
  • April 2012 (1)
  • March 2012 (4)
  • February 2012 (3)
  • January 2012 (4)
  • December 2011 (4)
  • November 2011 (9)
  • October 2011 (10)

8000 words Aaron Hotchner art artists astrology Beatles blogging book reference caregiving Castaneda characters creativity Criminal Minds death detectives dogs Dramatica dying egg timer emotions failure fairy tales false eyelashes first draft food Forbidden fun funk goals gratitude Hawaii Heller humor Huxley Inspiration Jung Lennon life Love Mark W. Travis Mockingbird mom mother movies Mr. Spock murder mysteries mystery mystery novel novel novels P.D. james princess Rachel reading rejection Rumi scrapbooking sharing sillyness solstice celebrations Star Trek story storymind support Thanks theater travel trust videos WANA winter solstice workshops writer writers writing

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,066 other followers

Blogroll

  • Dramaticapedia Everything you want to learn about Dramatica Story Theory
  • Jenny Hansen's MORE COWBELL Blog Because face it, in this life you can NEVER have too much Cowbell
  • Kristen Lamb Blog advice maven
  • Mark W. Travis An amazing storyteller and teacher
  • WANA International To learn all you need about WANA, along with craft, tech, business & lifestyle classes
  • WANA Tribe Where all the WANAs frolic, come and join the fun

Blogs I Follow

  • Rachel Funk Heller
  • Hiking Photography
  • Julie Glover, Author
  • Catie Rhodes
  • Youth Speaks Hawai'i
  • The Daily Post
  • LEANNE COLE
  • Canadian Hiking Photography
  • Word Hunter
  • Bayard & Holmes
  • BundlePost
  • Chad Carver
  • renée a. schuls-jacobson
  • jansenschmidt
  • To Be Aware
  • STICKY WORDS by Jay Squires
  • Brian Mercer - Music of the Soul
  • tommielyn.wordpress.com/
  • Ingrid Schaffenburg's Blog
  • CATHERINE RYAN HOWARD

Fast Draft Survivors unite!

oh yeah!

WANA logo

A Proud Supporter of WANA Tribe

Twitter Updates

  • A trip up to the north shore to see the big waves 🌊 #nofilter #surfsup @ Sunset Beach, Hawaii instagram.com/p/CKILgXJDoyo/… 3 days ago
  • Don’t get me started. Okay, so I like lights #craftfun #homedecor #marthastewartcankissmyass #magnoliabejealous instagram.com/p/CJ2OsG2j5Ir/… 1 week ago
  • Good morning!☀️ instagram.com/p/CJ1YtJYjfcj/… 1 week ago
  • From today’s walk #grateful instagram.com/p/CJxDkmODhnm/… 1 week ago
  • We said goodbye to our beloved Chie yesterday. He was the silliest and most loving dog and we miss him terribly, bu… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 3 weeks ago
Follow @RchelFunkHeller

RSS Rachel Funk Heller

  • K. B. Owen’s own Alchemy: “Dangerous and Unseemly”
  • How To: Throw Your Wake BEFORE You Die
  • Gr8ful4: Mom is home and on the mend
  • Gr8ful4: Thoughtful Nurses
  • Friday Fun: Recycling Flipflops & Cast Reunions
  • Writing Matters: We Are Not Alone: WANA’s Rock!
  • Loving Family Traditions: Knowing When to Let Them Go
  • Friday Frivolity: Craft Disasters, Buddy Cole, and Billy Connolly
  • Writing Matters: “Several Short Sentences on Writing” and Why You Will Hate It
  • Gr8tful4: That My New Chair Found Me

for more Social Alchemy


Social Alchemy is a an island of inspiration in a sea full of digital snark. Thanks for stopping by, hope you had some fun.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Rachel Funk Heller

Social Alchemy: Celebrating the Creative Spirit

Hiking Photography

Julie Glover, Author

Catie Rhodes

The Kid Your Mother Warned You About

Youth Speaks Hawai'i

existence persists through language

The Daily Post

The Art and Craft of Blogging

LEANNE COLE

Trying to live a creative life

Canadian Hiking Photography

Word Hunter

exploring the writing world

Bayard & Holmes

If you're in a fair fight, you're using poor tactics

BundlePost

Social Media Content Management

Chad Carver

Stories, Poetry and Reflections

renée a. schuls-jacobson

because life doesn't fit in a file folder

jansenschmidt

BLOGGING FROM THE EDGE OF ETERNITY. Where imagination abounds, nothing is impossible.

To Be Aware

It's all about disbelieving your thoughts

STICKY WORDS by Jay Squires

Brian Mercer - Music of the Soul

Reflections on the human experience.

tommielyn.wordpress.com/

Ingrid Schaffenburg's Blog

Threadbare Gypsy Soul

CATHERINE RYAN HOWARD

EDGAR NOMINATED CRIME WRITER

Cancel
Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy